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Choose Life in the after- after the spouse dies, after the marriage ends, after the kids leave

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Special Anniversary- would have been 30 years

April 26, 2016 by Sharon

Today would (should) have been my 30th wedding anniversary with Randy. But, we were only given 26- It was 26 years on April 26, 2012- then three days later he was gone. Life had different plans for me than the plans I had for myself. It would be really easy to be sad today and dwell on the negatives, but Randy was too wonderful for me to do that. I am choosing today to be thankful for the years that we had together, and especially be thankful for the two biggest blessings that came out of our life together- C and M. I’m also thankful to have Dr T. in my life- a man who understands, and who, with me, will never allow Randy to be a stranger in our life and family. It was 26+ good years- and for that I am very thankful today!!

The above was my personal Facebook post for the day.

I still read many “widow blogs.”  Over and Over I’ve read about a phenomenon in which your body seems to physically know that an important date is approaching.  I can truly say that I have experience on many occasions that my body knows of a certain date even when I haven’t consciously been thinking of it all that much.

The first year after losing Randy, I became physically sick the week before our anniversary and anniversary of his death.  Just so sick that I had to go to bed.  This year is different– I don’t feel like I’ve thought about the two upcoming dates in April, but out of the blue, I just find myself crying– not even feeling really sad, but just crying for no reason.  I guess that is just part of it!!  A part that I really don’t like-  but I guess there really isn’t much of anything about all of this that I like.

In my Grief Share class that I took years ago, they used the phrase- “Do The Next Thing”  I used that so much to help me that first year.  I would not allow myself to sit around and dwell on things-  I got up and did something- the next thing.  But today, I’ve not done much of anything.  I think after four years, I deserve a day to do nothing and reflect on my life.  It has been a sad day!!  

I’d love to know if others experience the same physical phenomenon as it gets closer to significant dates.  

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After her husband’s sudden and unexpected death, Sharon McCuistian found herself a widow at the age of 48. With two grown children in college, Sharon had to find a way to live in her new reality. She turned to the things she loved to help in her grief: faith, family, and friends. Her love of words and writing became the cathartic venue by which she began to process her loss. It is through her grief journey that Now Choose Life was born. Read More

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