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Choose Life in the after- after the spouse dies, after the marriage ends, after the kids leave

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So this happened…handling life when bad things happen!!

November 3, 2017 by Sharon

Molly and Harper!!

“I want a day where I don’t hear any new bad news! I can rehash old bad news, but I need a day without new bad news.” That is what I’ve been saying to my friends and The Suze lately.

I made reference in my Peak Of The Week post that I have had a “drop to my knees” week so far. I didn’t go into specifics because it wasn’t about me specifically but my kids. But M texted me yesterday afternoon asking if was going to write about what happened to her. So with her permission, this was her Sunday.

Sunday morning, she left her apartment with her sweet pup, Harper. She stayed gone all day, and when she returned Sunday evening, she realized before even entering her place that something was wrong. She had been robbed!!

She called her landlord who came over immediately with his wife. They live on the property so luckily she didn’t have to wait very long. She also called a friend who came immediately. The police came also and started their report.

I have been so worried about her for the past few months. She ended a relationship with someone that we all love. It has been hard on her. She is now living in a big city without anyone to talk to at the end of the day to make sure that she is home- safe and sound. I’ve been worried about her going out. I’ve been worried about her getting up in the early morning hours and running to her gym. I have had that mother’s worry that I know so many understand!! I’ve prayed and prayed, but haven’t quite been able to completely give it all over to God. I still worry as if I think my worrying and obsessing over it all will make a difference!!

I’m so thankful that she wasn’t there. I’m so thankful that she didn’t walk in on them. I’m so thankful that she had sweet little Harper with her!! I have so much to be thankful for. BUT there is still a knot in my stomach!!

They took so much of her stuff. She loves expensive things- designer purses and shoes. C has spoiled us rotten by buying us these things for Christmas for the past few years! They took most of the purses and shoes. They took her laptop, important paperwork, but the hardest thing to accept is that they took so many sentimental things– like the phone she had when her dad passed away that had his voicemails on it. Those sentimental things break my heart. So many things gone- just gone. The bottom line is that when you have lost someone you love, you have experienced an Ultimate Loss- we truly live in an “after” world where so many “things” don’t matter. So yes, it is hard that she lost so much, but she really isn’t THAT upset. Like she told me, “It’s just stuff.” We are just concentrating on helping her have peace and a feeling of being safe!

She spent Monday getting things taken care of, and I tried to help where I could. By the end of the day, she sent me a text saying that this had been her anthem all day.

10,000 Reasons- Bless The Lord Oh My Soul
That song let me know that she was in a good place in her soul which is what I want for her. She reminded me of a great talk we had on a hike when she was here visiting me. I told her about this Super Soul Sunday episode that I watched and how much this segment made me think about accepting things in our lives that we don’t want. I’ve told so many people that one thing about losing R was having to accept something that I didn’t want, that I never in a million years would want– and yet it was my reality. I had to accept my reality and learn to live with it. 
When I talked to her later, she said she was doing what we had talked about on our hike. She is breathing in what has happened. She will have to live with the reality that she isn’t as safe as maybe she had thought, and she will have to accept that her things are gone, and she will have to overcome her fear of living there alone and take more precautions!
I also had another “drop to the knees” moment the very next day. Luckily, things with that situation have turned out OK. We will do some follow-ups and keep moving forward from it as well!! 
I guess it’s just the reality of life that bad things happen. Things out of our control enter our lives, and we have to be prepared to handle them. I’ve heard that it isn’t what happens to us that makes our lives, it is how we handle what happens to us that makes our lives. The scary thing is that I can’t play my “widow card” and not have anything bad ever happen to me again. Life doesn’t work that way, and I think for anyone who has experienced tragedy knowing that we can’t play the “tragedy has already struck” card is hard to live with!! 
But I’m choosing to look for the blessings!! And, they are here. Both of my kids are happy and healthy today!! Today that is all that really matters to me!!
I’d love to hear what others tell themselves in order to deal with the “out of control” things of life!! What is your elevator music on this subject??
     As my great philosopher son told me one time when I was having a bad day and crying to him–
                                                                     “It’s Life.”

So just like M the other day, this will be my anthem today!!

Bless the Lord oh my soul

Oh my soul

Worship His Holy name

Sing like never before
Oh my soul
I’ll worship Your Holy name

The sun comes up
It’s a new day dawning
It’s time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass
And whatever lies before me
Let me be singing
When the evening comes
Bless the Lord oh my soul
Oh my soul
Worship His Holy name
Sing like never before
Oh my soul
I’ll worship Your Holy name
You’re rich in love
And You’re slow to anger
Your name is great
And Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness
I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons
For my heart to find
Bless the Lord oh my soul
Oh my soul
Worship His Holy name
Sing like never before
Oh my soul
I’ll worship Your Holy name
Bless You Lord
And on that day
When my strength is failing
The end draws near
And my time has come
Still my soul will
Sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years
And then forevermore
Forevermore
Bless the Lord oh my soul
Oh my soul
Worship His Holy name
Sing like never before
Oh my soul
I’ll worship Your Holy name
Bless the Lord oh my soul
Oh my soul
Worship His Holy name
Sing like never before
Oh my soul
I’ll worship Your Holy name
Yes I’ll worship Your Holy name
I’ll worship Your Holy name
Sing like never before
Oh my soul
I’ll worship Your Holy name
Jesus I will worship Your Holy name
Worship Your Holy name

Songwriters: Jonas Myrin / Matt Redman
10,000 Reasons lyrics © Capitol Christian Music Group

Filed Under: grief

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After her husband’s sudden and unexpected death, Sharon McCuistian found herself a widow at the age of 48. With two grown children in college, Sharon had to find a way to live in her new reality. She turned to the things she loved to help in her grief: faith, family, and friends. Her love of words and writing became the cathartic venue by which she began to process her loss. It is through her grief journey that Now Choose Life was born. Read More

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