Sit Down and Shut Up!!! - Now Choose Life

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Here’s your chair- Sit Down and Shut Up

I say it all the time, “I am so lucky.” Even though my husband passed away way too young, I am so lucky for so many reasons.

One way that I was lucky- blessed was with the people in my life. I never felt judged by the choices I made following R’s passing. There is only one person who ever said anything negative to me about my relationship with Dr. T, and although it hurt me, I really didn’t expect anything different from her. She had always been critical of me so this was no different.

One thing that grief does is change the people who experience it. I am a very different person than I was before losing R. One of the biggest ways that I’ve changed is in my opinions of others. I feel I was way too judgemental of people. I looked at their lives and formed my opinions because of course my opinion was what mattered… WAIT… Did I really feel that way??

I guess I did, but I don’t anymore. So when I read this recent blog post by The Good Men Project, it really struck a nerve with me. I love what he has written. I love how simple the concept is… When I feel the need to judge someone, I need to “Sit Down and Shut Up.” It really is as simple as that! This post is written in the context of widowed people finding love again, and the people who feel the need to judge them because of it. However, I think it is just great advice for all of us!!

What do you think of this article? Are these words you need to remember?

Sit Down and Shut Up
(click to go out to The Good Men Project)

I wrote this on February 14th, 2017. Valentine’s Day. After I just read another post from a widow friend who is being made to feel like an awful human because she chose to try to live again.

Here is my rant:

Sit down.

And shut up.

Serious question: Is your spouse six feet under? Oh wait, are they a pile of ashes?

No?

They aren’t?

Wow.

Ok.

Cool.

Then, sit down.

And shut up.

My wife’s name was Michelle. She’s gone.

Once a widow. Always a widow.

Once a widower. Always a widower.

Not, this isn’t a plea for sympathy.

No, this isn’t even an angry post.

This is an honest post.

This is a passionate post.

This is a real post.

Sit down.

And shut up.

Unless you watched your spouse die. Unless you buried your spouse. Unless you burned your spouse.

Sit down.

And shut up.

Do not tell a widow or widower how they should be living.

Do not tell a widow or widower how they should be acting.

And please, for the love of all that is right in this world, PLEASE—do NOT tell a widow or widower when they should try to love again.

I am sick of seeing widows and widowers vilified for trying to pick up the pieces of their lives.

I am sick of seeing widows and widowers vilified for trying to find companionship again. For trying to find love again.

Hell, for trying to find ANYTHING again!

We are lost souls. On a journey to find our self again.

And YOU want to judge?

You?

Do you know the courage it takes to go back out there after your spouse has died?

After you watched them die of cancer. Or a massive heart attack. Or suicide.

After you watched them fall to sixty pounds. Having bowel movements on themselves. Having horrific hallucinations so bad that seeing them like that strangled your soul.

After you watched them fall to their knees. And clutch there chest. And take their last breath.

After you walked in on their body. Dead. Because they took their own life.

You have no idea.

Do you have any idea how badly the loss of a spouse messes with your mind? With your heart? With your soul?

No. You don’t.

So sit down.

And shut up.

You are not allowed to judge.

You are not allowed to pass judgment as you drive home to your spouse.

You are not allowed to pass judgment as you eat dinner with your spouse

You are not allowed to pass judgment as you cuddle up on the couch with your spouse.

You are not allowed to pass judgment as you have sexy time with your spouse.

You. Are. Not. Allowed. To. Pass. Judgment.

Sit down.

And shut up.

Stop judging.

Stop thinking that you know what the hell you are talking about.

Because you do not.

Your life wasn’t ripped from you.

Your future wasn’t destroyed.

Sit down.

And shut up.

This was not our choice.

This was not a breakup. Stop comparing.

This was not a divorce. Stop comparing.

This was not the loss of a grandpa. Stop comparing.

This was not the loss of Uncle Thomas. Stop comparing.

And for Heaven’s sake, this was NOT the loss of your damn CAT. Stop comparing!

This was the loss of a soul mate.

Our love.

Our other half.

Our life.

Our future.

Sit down.

And shut up.

The next time you see a widow or widower try to pick themselves off, dust themselves off and ‘get back out there’.

You have two choices.

You can either sit down and shut up.

Or,

You can give them a standing ovation.

For their heart. For their courage. For their bravery.

Those are your two options.

And your ONLY two options.

Because. You. Do. Not. Know.

—Rant. Over. –

Mic Drop.

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