Now Choose Life

Choose Life in the after- after the spouse dies, after the marriage ends, after the kids leave

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September 19, 2016 by Sharon

    Today has been one of those days- a really bad day- emotions that I was not expecting swept in and tried to take me under.  I’ve tried not to think; I’ve tried to put thoughts out of my mind; I’ve tried to keep these negative emotions at bay, but I haven’t been very successful.  The day has just sucked!
      M has announced after several weeks of prayer and contemplation that she is moving to Chicago.  She is so excited and I am very happy for her.  Everyone  was told last night and then it just started washing over me that life is moving on a breakneck speed and R isn’t here for any of it.  The kids are doing well and their lives are full and R isn’t here to know that.
     It makes me so sad.  It makes me have that completely empty feeling that I had for months on end.  I keep telling myself that THIS is just part of it.  These emotions and feelings will be with me for the rest of my life.  I guess the good news is that I have allowed myself to just let the feelings come and do what they will instead of trying to run from them.  I’m allowing them to serve their purpose- although I’m not quite sure what purpose they serve.  My hope is that when I get on the other side of this, I’ll feel stronger.  That has been how it has been in the past.  I feel better when I get to the other side.  I feel better after the brunt of the pain.
I’m happy for my daughter.  I’m excited for the future to see what great things she accomplishes in Chicago.  I have to believe that God will bless our future even greater than he blessed our past.

I just have to because I have to believe that.

Filed Under: grief

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After her husband’s sudden and unexpected death, Sharon McCuistian found herself a widow at the age of 48. With two grown children in college, Sharon had to find a way to live in her new reality. She turned to the things she loved to help in her grief: faith, family, and friends. Her love of words and writing became the cathartic venue by which she began to process her loss. It is through her grief journey that Now Choose Life was born. Read More

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