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Choose Life in the after- after the spouse dies, after the marriage ends, after the kids leave

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How Far Do I Go Into the Abyss?

December 4, 2013 by Sharon

Tomorrow would have  been R’s 52 birthday.  I don’t even really remember feeling anything last year.  My friends and sister took me out to dinner and we talked about him, but I was still in such a state of numbness that I don’t remember feeling anything.  I have read in so many blogs where women’s bodies feel the anxiety of an approaching event even if they don’t feel necessarily emotional about it.  I definitely feel my body going into some sort of relapse-  just utter exhaustion.  But, I also feel the emotional toll from tomorrow.  I’m not really sure why a birthday is bothering me, but it is.

I know that it is so much more than a birthday.  Our baby daughter is fighting the very tedious process of getting an apartment in Manhattan.  Talking to her and helping her deal with all of the procedures and MONEY has just done something to me.

So here is my question in all of this– how far should a person in grief let themselves go?  I feel like I do everything within my power to stay positive.  I do a lot of positive self talk.  I do everything I can think to do to keep from going “there.”  The “there” for me is a place of no return.  I’m afraid that if i truly let myself go, I might have a complete and utter breakdown.

There really seems to be conflicting advice on how to handle the emotions of grief.  Some say to give in and have a good cry, but at some point you have to pull yourself together.  If not, you go “there.”  Others say to remain grateful and count your blessing.  But in doing so, am I just masking the feelings that need to be dealt with?

I would love to hear others’ experiences with how far to let yourself go into the abyss!!

Filed Under: grief

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After her husband’s sudden and unexpected death, Sharon McCuistian found herself a widow at the age of 48. With two grown children in college, Sharon had to find a way to live in her new reality. She turned to the things she loved to help in her grief: faith, family, and friends. Her love of words and writing became the cathartic venue by which she began to process her loss. It is through her grief journey that Now Choose Life was born. Read More

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