I would love to go back to relive just one day in our little house when my kids were young. Watching them play in the little kiddie pool or swing on our porch swing singing the song we made up about our cat, Luther. “Luther Kittie” was a big hit in those days!!
I just finished being part of a panel of moms- that interview with my pastor will be played during our church service on Mother’s Day.
He asked some interesting questions, and I’ve sat here thinking about my years being a mom. It truly is still my greatest job. It’s my greatest relationship. It’s the biggest blessing in my life.
If you are a mom of adult children, I know you have probably had the struggle with cutting the apron strings. According to Merriam-Webster, “cutting the apron strings” is defined as “to stop providing support.” I’ve always heard it used toward the child. Saying that I’ve got to cut the apron strings so they will go on and be adults, make their own money, make their own decisions is something we hear a lot in our society. Remember the movie Failure To Launch?
I’ve laughed with my friends that in my little family the cutting of the apron strings was for me not my kids. I’ve proudly raised two successful, independent young adults. It took some missteps on my part to figure out my role as a mom to adult children. I had to cut those apron strings that I was hanging on to- not them. The real failure to launch was me! Can any of you relate?
This new role came to me over time, and it was two-fold.
First, I had to learn that their lives are their lives. Their stories are for them to tell, not me. That is a little hard since I write a blog, but I know to ask them before I write about anything to do with their lives. I do that out of respect for them and their privacy, and also because they have made it clear to me that I need to ask before writing about them. But, the waters were murkier when it came to family.
I had to learn from mistakes I made, that I’m not the go-between for them and extended family. As adults, their relationships with aunts, uncles, grandparents, and other family members are theirs alone. It isn’t my job to help foster those relationships anymore. Those were established while they were growing up. It also isn’t my job any longer to share news about their lives with family members. They are adults who share what they wish to share.
And, the hardest role to ease into is that I’m no longer their supervisor in life. I’m not here any longer to “teach” them how to live. That (hopefully) was done successfully while they were still under my roof. If I did a good job, I stressed what is truly important in life by how their dad and I lived and how we maneuvered through our daily lives.
There have been times when the fact that I am their only parent is overwhelming. I better get things right with my relationship with them. I want to be the best mom, and now mother-in-law, that I can possibly be.
I remember one conversation with my daughter when she was making several life decisions. I’m sure the conversation got a little heated, and she stopped me, and said,
Wow! And, if I’m honest, I probably was. At the very least, I know it came across as me judging her.
It was about this same time that I saw Beth Moore interviewed on TV. One person asked the question, “What do I do about my adult children.” Her answer has stayed with me. She answered that you take all issues with adult children to the “heavenly realms” — You pray about it.
All of these things came together for me in one great epiphany— I am not my adult children’s judge. I am no longer the Sage on the Stage. I’m the guide on the side. I’m their biggest cheerleader. I am their confidant. I’m the prayer warrior.
You know that greatest thing about being a mom to adult children, I just get to be Mom, Mommy (or as I know they sometimes think– that crazy lady.)
You see, the pressure is off. My job is complete. I just get to sit back and enjoy them and love them through all of the decisions that they make.
Give yourself the best Mother’s Day gift you’ll ever receive!! Take off your judge’s robe and put on
the wardrobe you need to wear for your adult children– The Armor of God.
I love that no matter how many times I read any scripture, it always feels new. I believe that freshness of scripture is not only because it is God-breathed, but because our lives are different every time we read it. Depending on what our minds are focused on when we read, determines the meaning that it has for our lives on that given day. Read these scriptures with your role as a mom of adult children in mind.
The Armor of God
Happy Mother’s Day to all you fab moms out there!! We’ve done our best. Now it’s time to enjoy our hard work!!