PMS- It is bad enough when a gal’s life is normal- throw grief into the mix and it can be quite volatile. I am about to turn the big 50 so Aunt Flo’s visits have gotten worse as I approach menopause. I use an app on my phone called period tracker because I desperately need to be reminded each month that I am not going crazy– it is just my period about to start. Today I filled out my “moods” on the app as I “track” my monthly cycle. It is sad and comical at the same time that I marked today— angry, anxious, confused, depressed, fatigued, forgetful, frustrated, gloomy, impatient, insecure, irritable, jealous, lethargic, mean, moody, nervous, sad, scared, sensitive, sleepy, spacey, stressed, tired , unbalanced, weepy—- those are all feelings that attacked me on any given day over the past year and a half. Put those together with grief and it is a double whammy.
I always try to remind myself how blessed my life is- because it truly is. Even thought my husband died unexpectedly, I still feel very blessed. I choose to look for the blessings. During the week leading up to Aunt Flo’s visit and especially the few days before- all of my gratitude is thrown out the window. I don’t care about anything except my selfish desires.
I feel sorry for the others in my life. My son lives with me. I Do Not discuss this with him, but he has to notice a difference in me. He told me this afternoon that he knew I was stressed over a few things I had been wanting him to take care of. He is 24, a college graduate, and lives with me. We live on several acres of land that has to be taken care of. I have felt lately like he isn’t keeping up with his end of our “roommate” agreement. But, he did come home from work today and take care of things so I am feeling better. My daughter called late this afternoon to check on me- she talked to me earlier when I was ready for a break down. See- those two blessings are the biggest in my life. I was able to talk to my mother on the phone tonight. I could go on the rest of the night telling you all my blessings. However, I still have this underlying feeling of the blahs!!!! I am blaming it on PMS and moving on.
So Widows… what about PMS in your life? How do you handle it?