Feeling Anxious

I’ve been feeling anxious about life and I’m not really sure why.  I made a monumental decision today… I am giving my life until the new year… I am going to relax and not worry about another thing or relationship until after the new year.  At that time, things in my life will be different.  One way or another, they will be different.  I have felt very out of control of my own life, and I don’t like that feeling.  I should be the one in control.  I have let another person have control over too much of my emotions, and I just can’t have that.

I started today thinking of some things I will do after the first of the year.  My life has the possibility of going in 2 completely different directions.  Decisions that are made over the Christmas break will help me determine what direction it is that I will take.  Unfortunately those decisions are going to be made by someone other than me– but they will help me better understand what is best for me.

This is all very vague, but that is OK.  I am just glad to be able to say that as of this morning a weight was lifted off of me.  I’m glad about that.

The way that I have coped the past 2 1/2 years after losing R is by having several plans for my life.  I always joke to people that I don’t have the specifics of plans A or B worked out, but Plan C is well planned out!!!  I guess for now that has to be good enough.

It was good enough for me today to stop being in the doldrums.  Positive self talk and a plan of action were all that I needed, and I found those today.

I’m so glad.