Now Choose Life

Choose Life in the after- after the spouse dies, after the marriage ends, after the kids leave

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Falling into Fall

August 19, 2015 by Sharon

I guess it isn’t officially fall, but it feels like a fall day here in Northern New Mexico.  There is a difference in the air.  A “bite” in the coolness of the breeze that has picked up this morning.  As I sit at my window and watch the flutter of the leaves in the Aspen trees, there is a slight unsettling in my stomach.  The main reason for the unsettling feeling is that my daughter is not settled right now.  Because of roommate issues, she is having to move for the 3rd time in her two years of living in NYC.  It is an added stress in her life which adds stress to mine because I worry about her.  I hate it that she is having to look for a new place to live, and I really hate the added expense that she will have to go through.  Since my move, I have lost a huge part of my income and won’t be able to help her as much as I would like-  not that I have had to help her a huge amount, but I have had the income to help when I could.

My other reason for the unsettling feeling is that every fall since R died has brought an unsettling feeling to my life.  In the early days it was just more of the terrible grief.  That first year I was scared to death for the season to change and the days to get shorter and colder.  I didn’t know if I could face it.  As I approach my 4th fall without him, it isn’t the horrible grief and fear that I am experiencing, but an unsettled feeling.  I am thankful that I have a new life, but this new life is just that SO NEW.  A new husband, a new name, a new town- which means a new identity.  No one here knows my old life.  In some ways that is refreshing, but on this day it isn’t.  It is just weird.
So, I leave you today with Happy Fall Y’all.  That is all I can muster today.

Filed Under: grief

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After her husband’s sudden and unexpected death, Sharon McCuistian found herself a widow at the age of 48. With two grown children in college, Sharon had to find a way to live in her new reality. She turned to the things she loved to help in her grief: faith, family, and friends. Her love of words and writing became the cathartic venue by which she began to process her loss. It is through her grief journey that Now Choose Life was born. Read More

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