I had a dream about him the other night. He was not in my dream, but it was about him. I was at church and for some reason realized that he was missing. He had not come home. I went about my regular life that morning, but I knew he was missing. So when I got to church I realized that I could not sit there knowing that he was missing. I had to go report to the police that he was missing. When I got out to my car, someone had blocked me in and I couldn’t leave. Then I woke up. I have thought and thought about that dream. What does it mean??? Here is what I have come up with. I have moved clumsily moved forward with my life. I even have a man in my life whom I love very much. I mean- I really love this man- My soul loves this man. We are very happy together even though we live hundreds of miles apart. It is Dr. T- I have mentioned him before. But, my biggest fear or anxiety over a relationship with him has been that people will presume that R is not important to me any more. That I am fine and everything is fine and all is well. That isn’t the case. I am happy- and for the first time in a really long time, I am happy when I think about the future. But R is missing… he is missing so much. It is just so sad.
In my dream. I told myself- “but R is dead.” The police are going to think it is strange that you report him missing when they know he is dead. And it just all made sense. I had to report him missing. I guess in my mind. I still live with him missing everyday- I want others to know that he is still missing from our lives. I am happy. I have moved on. But I don’t want people to think that we have forgotten about him. He will always for evermore be missing.