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Now Choose Life

Choose to Live Your Life in Abundance in the after--- after the spouse dies, after the marriage ends, after the kids leave. Join me on my journey of CHOOSING LIFE in my after. This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live- Deut 30:19

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October 31, 2016

What I learned in October 2016

I always learn lessons.  I love to think that for the rest of my life I will be a student of life.  I want to continue learning and growing until my dying day!!

Here's what I learned this month:

1.  I am at a point in my life where I just get to love and support my kids.  Maybe it was C turning 27. Maybe it was M making the decision all on her own to move to Chicago. I'm just one day realized that I don't need to try to steer my children in a certain direction anymore like I tired to do so often.  I am not their judge (I've shared before how judgmental I have been over the years).  It is such a freeing thought to know that my job now is to just simply love and support my kids.

2.  Life is still hard.  Not that anything that terrible has happened, but enough has happened that it makes me remember what I read several times in the first couple of years after R passed away-  I can't play the "widow card" for the rest of my life so that nothing else will ever happen to me.  I know that bad things do happen.  I've lived through a terrible thing, and more terrible things can happen still.  No one is immune.  Bad things are going to happen.

3.  Slow and steady wins the race.  I realized this when my kids were little.  I think young moms tend to feel anxious when they see other kids doing things that their kids aren't doing whatever that might be.  I always told myself "slow and steady wins the race."  Don't force anything with your kids.  They will be fine, and they did turn out to be wonderful adults.  But as I see most of their friends getting married or even starting their families, I sometimes feel anxious again thinking that isn't that paths that either of my kids are taking.  I just have to remind myself that what was still is.

4.  What I relearn every month.  Grief will never leave me.  Grief has taken up residence in my life and is not going away.  As time goes on, I realize more deeply that if a bit of pain in my life now means that I had something really good, and healthy, and lovely then I will take the pain.  The pain is a sign that I had something very special and nothing will ever fill that void that was left when R left this earth.

5.  A picture really is worth a thousand words.  My kids have communicated with me more on Snapchat this month than any other form of communication.
October 27, 2016

Count Your Blessings

I love fall.  I have been reading many blogs about decorating for fall, and I love looking at all the pictures.  I like to decorate for fall.  It is a great time to use beautiful colors and be able to keep them for more time than Christmas decorations.

I have pumpkins around the house, fall leaves on the mantel, garlands at my front door, but I have a simple area in my house that I love looking at every day.  Dr. T's parents gave us a piece of furniture that belonged to his grandmother.  She called it a server.  I love it and have it in our dining area.  I have a simple vase with aspen leaves filling it.  There is a small sign that says " count your blessings" on it.

This simple vignette is what is bringing me joy these days!!  I hope you are counting your blessings today. 
October 15, 2016

New Kicks

I recently had an ad pop up on my Facebook feed with some really cute shoes.  I don't normally click on sponsored posts on Facebook, but these were really cute from Taos Footwear.  The shoe- The Star.  The website claims that it is "all about the footbed."  That one quote had me hooked!!

My browsing took me to Amazon where a great shop, The Foot Spot, had me ready to buy.  The reviews were good for this shoe, with one warning- "go up 1/2 size" so I followed that advice and bought an 8.  I really think that for me, I could have been fine with a 71/2, but I am planning on traveling in a few weeks with a lot of walking so these will be great.  I can't say enough nice things about The Foot Spot either.  My shoes arrived promptly with no damage to the box.  I can't ask for more than that.  They also sent me an email to make sure everything was good on my end!!  So easy to use!!

As for the footbed... it is wonderful.  The arch support is fabulous, and I can't wait for my walking excursions exploring a new city in a few weeks!!  These shoes will be perfect.  I like to wear a lot of black when I travel just to make things easy to mix and match so the gray wash will be just the right color to complement my comfy joggers for my flight!!

 I need to fix my laces, huh?  And, what are you supposed to do with all the lace in the shoe??
 I also got new skis and poles today.  I'll get my boots at a ski shop in Santa Fe.  I want to be sure I get the correct fit with those.

October 10, 2016

Trump- Oh the Irony!!

I don't even know what to think anymore about our country.  The fact that we have two people running for our president who are reprehensible is well- reprehensible.

One thing that has shocked me the most is how aghast people seem to be over what Trump said.  I agree it is terrible and cannot be defended by anyone who cares about women or the human race for that matter.  But are we really that shocked???  What I'm shocked about is how many men have come out and said how disgraceful it is.  It is just so ironic to me that we as a nation are so upset by what was said.

                                                   Oh the Irony,  Oh the Irony,  Oh the Irony!!!

We make TV shows like Two and a Half Men popular and think the characters are so funny.  Yet when a man shares the same sentiment as the show, we are aghast!!

Internet Pornography is rampant, and we really don't seem to care.  Yet when two men mention the looks of a woman, we are aghast at it!!

Women dress provocatively just to go the the grocery store.  They dress provocatively to get men's attention, yet women are aghast when men notice and comment on a woman's look.

We know that powerful, wealthy  men usually have a beautiful woman on their arm, yet when a wealthy man admits it and admits that women will have sex and let him do what he wants, we are aghast!

Donald Trump is a mirror of our society.  Like him or not he is the ultimate "universal man" for a section of our society.  When we look at Trump, we are looking at our nation as a whole.
Crass, abrupt, rude, tactless-  funny these are all attributes that many overseas see in Americans who travel abroad.
I know I have readers in other countries-- Please, Please tell me if I am wrong about this.

There are some wonderful, loving people in our country.  I love the United States of America.  I hate what has come in this election.

We are better than this, but unfortunately, this is what we have come to.

I am aghast that so many are aghast!!

I don't find this scene funny.  And- look at the comments on Youtube!  And people are saying today that men don't talk like Trump did.  Give me a break!!

Pornography a 10-14 billion dollar industry in the USA

I am so fortunate that I have always had loving, respectful men in my life.  My father was wonderful to me and all women when I was growing up.  R was wonderful to me.  Dr. T is wonderful to me!!  I haven't come in contact with men who acted like this in front of me.  
October 04, 2016

Treading Water

Lately I feel like I'm treading water... I'm not going anywhere, but I'm exhausted in the process of trying to figure out what direction my life should take.

I had a talk with my mom the other day and we both said that Fall is a sad time of year.  It is such a juxtaposition for me because, I love fall, but it makes me sad too.  I'm not really sure why it makes me sad, but since R passed away, Fall has been a very hard time of year.  The thoughts of things changing, nights getting cooler, days getting shorter just seem sad to me.

Grief- I thought it came to visit, but the reality is that grief comes to live.  It is a permanent resident in my life and will never leave me.  I'm not sad all the time, but I am sad.  I love Dr T more than I ever thought possible, but the reality of my life is just sad!!!  I'm married to a man who isn't the father of my children.  My kids are grown and the only time that is an issue is when holidays roll around because we all want to be with our families.  Dr. T's family is very welcoming, but they aren't my kids' family.  It is hard enough to get adult children together for the holidays not to mention when a new family is thrown into the mix.

So I sit here today with an unsettled feeling wondering what I should be doing with my life.  At some point I need to make a decision and just go with it:
1.  Do I want to really try to get this little blog into a bigger market?
2.  Do I want to join a church and get really involved in church work again?
3.  Do I want to take advantage of a new volunteer opportunity here in the town where I live?

There are just some days where I miss my old life.  I knew what I was doing there.