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Now Choose Life

This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live- Deut 30:19 A 50ish woman who has chosen to live in the midst of tragedy and move forward by choosing life. Welcome to the journey!!

September 18, 2016

More Changes



    Today has been one of those days- a really bad day- emotions that I was not expecting swept in and tried to take me under.  I've tried not to think; I've tried to put thoughts out of my mind; I've tried to keep these negative emotions at bay, but I haven't been very successful.  The day has just sucked!
      M has announced after several weeks of prayer and contemplation that she is moving to Chicago.  She is so excited and I am very happy for her.  Everyone  was told last night and then it just started washing over me that life is moving on a breakneck speed and R isn't here for any of it.  The kids are doing well and their lives are full and R isn't here to know that.
     It makes me so sad.  It makes me have that completely empty feeling that I had for months on end.  I keep telling myself that THIS is just part of it.  These emotions and feelings will be with me for the rest of my life.  I guess the good news is that I have allowed myself to just let the feelings come and do what they will instead of trying to run from them.  I'm allowing them to serve their purpose- although I'm not quite sure what purpose they serve.  My hope is that when I get on the other side of this, I'll feel stronger.  That has been how it has been in the past.  I feel better when I get to the other side.  I feel better after the brunt of the pain.
I'm happy for my daughter.  I'm excited for the future to see what great things she accomplishes in Chicago.  I have to believe that God will bless our future even greater than he blessed our past.

I just have to because I have to believe that.
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