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Now Choose Life

Choose to Live Your Life in Abundance in the after--- after the spouse dies, after the marriage ends, after the kids leave. Join me on my journey of CHOOSING LIFE in my after. This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live- Deut 30:19

April 26, 2016

Special Anniversary- would have been 30 years

Today would (should) have been my 30th wedding anniversary with Randy. But, we were only given 26- It was 26 years on April 26, 2012- then three days later he was gone. Life had different plans for me than the plans I had for myself. It would be really easy to be sad today and dwell on the negatives, but Randy was too wonderful for me to do that. I am choosing today to be thankful for the years that we had together, and especially be thankful for the two biggest blessings that came out of our life together- C and M. I’m also thankful to have Dr T. in my life- a man who understands, and who, with me, will never allow Randy to be a stranger in our life and family. It was 26+ good years- and for that I am very thankful today!!

The above was my personal Facebook post for the day.

I still read many "widow blogs."  Over and Over I've read about a phenomenon in which your body seems to physically know that an important date is approaching.  I can truly say that I have experience on many occasions that my body knows of a certain date even when I haven't consciously been thinking of it all that much.

The first year after losing Randy, I became physically sick the week before our anniversary and anniversary of his death.  Just so sick that I had to go to bed.  This year is different-- I don't feel like I've thought about the two upcoming dates in April, but out of the blue, I just find myself crying-- not even feeling really sad, but just crying for no reason.  I guess that is just part of it!!  A part that I really don't like-  but I guess there really isn't much of anything about all of this that I like.

In my Grief Share class that I took years ago, they used the phrase- "Do The Next Thing"  I used that so much to help me that first year.  I would not allow myself to sit around and dwell on things-  I got up and did something- the next thing.  But today, I've not done much of anything.  I think after four years, I deserve a day to do nothing and reflect on my life.  It has been a sad day!!  

I'd love to know if others experience the same physical phenomenon as it gets closer to significant dates.  
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