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Now Choose Life

Choose to Live Your Life in Abundance in the after--- after the spouse dies, after the marriage ends, after the kids leave. Join me on my journey of CHOOSING LIFE in my after. This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live- Deut 30:19

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March 20, 2016

Awww To Be A Cow!!

I am back in Texas visiting my parents for about a week.  It is always fun to come and stay with them.  Even at 80 and 81, they are on the go!!  Yesterday was a "Stay at home Day."  I tend to get a little stir crazy so yesterday morning, I went for a run (well more like a run/ walk).  If I leave my parents' house and run across the pasture, past several tanks, and up to the top of "the hill", by the time I get back to their house, I've gone almost 3 miles.

So I set out yesterday even though it was chilly and very windy.  I met up with my dad's cousin Gene out feeding his cows and ran on past the tanks.  Once I got to the top,  I always stop, pause, and reflect.  I have prayed so many prayers at the top of that hill over the past 4 years.  I ran that same route so many times when I came here as I was training for my marathon three years ago.  My ritual at the top is to take it all in and look at the beauty.  I love being at the same spot for different seasons and seeing how vastly different the same place can look.  I always pray at the top of that hill.  Even right after I lost R, I was able to pray and thank God for my life.  I especially thanked God for Dr T and what he means in my life.

After my respite and reflection, I started back towards the house.  When I got back to the area in the pasture where the cows are, Gene was gone.  The cows were very curious as to what I was doing!!  The calves were so sweet and cute!!!  I took several pictures of them and as I was watching them, I was reminded of a time that I and my bff Laura were headed off for a run together.  My house in Texas sits on about 30 acres in the middle of town.  We have a dirt road that goes along our pasture.  We have never had our own cattle, but someone has always leased the land for cattle.  That particular day, the cows were all close to the fence where we were walking.  We started talking about the life of a cow!!!

How great would it be to be a cow!!!
-You get to lay around all day
-You get to eat all day.
-The fatter you are the better men think you look!!  (That is my favorite one of all ha ha)





What else could we add to the list for the lucky life of a cow???

March 04, 2016

Assignment #1

From:  Your Life Is A Book by Brenda Peterson & Sarah Jane Freymann

Chapter 1 Start Anywhere
Prompt:  It was not until my encounter with______ that I understood _______.

It was not until my encounter with death that I fully understood how to live.

Luckily, it was not my death that I had to face, although my life would be so much easier if I had had a near death experience and lived to go on and tell of the wonders of heaven and how seeing the world beyond this one changed my life.  I love to read books about near death experiences.  It gives me hope of the wonderful afterlife that we all face someday.  It gives me hope that R really is in this wonderful place and is happy.  And it especially gives me hope that God is in control of my life... that is what I really need to stay focused on.

But that is not my story.  My story is one of the grief of losing a wonderful husband.  Before R died I was a different person.  I remember sitting in a Grief Share class and hearing that this grief journey was going to change me.  I remember thinking, but I like who I am.  I don't want to change.  Boy was I wrong.  Looking back, I was a very judgmental person.  I was way too hard on my children, my husband, and myself!!!

I said from the beginning of losing R that is I did not use this terrible tragedy to make some positive changes in my life, then the suffering ( and his death) would not have the deepest meaning that it could in my life.  I wanted to make some changes, but I wanted them to be on my terms.

I look at things so differently now.  I don't feel like I judge others at all.  I feel like everyone has their story.  I don't understand their lives or their journeys so why would I feel the need to judge their choices?  I think I am a better person because of this change.  I fell that becoming less judgmental is the best possible change that I could have made in my life.

The one thing that I see that is not a change for the better is that I feel hurt more deeply than I ever have.  Dr. T gets the brunt of most of this change.  Something recently hurt me in our relationship.  I have had a really hard time dealing with it.  I have overreacted at times to the point of not really knowing myself.  I think it is all because I have experienced the greatest loss of my life, and I know how badly it hurts.  So anything that comes along to make me feel like I have lost something is compounded by the emotions that are still very much alive in my life post loss.  I am still dealing with this over reaction to a situation, but I hope that I become better as he and I continue in this marriage that is so new and different for both of us.

Life is too short to be in other people's business enough to judge.  And, it is certainly too short to over react to situations that are beyond my control.  I am still working on both of these areas of my life.

I guess the best think about it is to know that I am a better person, not because of R's death, but because of his life.  I think his life and how he chose to live it, made a bigger impact on me after his death than when he was alive.  Boy, am I thankful to have had the privilege of being married to him for 26 years.

I was excited to see that I actually had 8 readers on yesterday's post.  I would love to hear from you... how would you fill in the blanks?  What did you think of my answer?


March 03, 2016

Big Goal

When my kids were little, we always went to my and R's hometown for Christmas.  The aircraft company that he worked for always closed the week between Christmas and New Years so we had time to spend with both of our families.  It was important to us to have C and M grow up around their grandparents even though we lived 10 hours away.

The drive home was always long, but one thing always stayed the same.  We talked about goals for the coming year.  We wrote those goals down.  I hope the kids remember doing this because I think it is important to have goals and share them with others.

I haven't made a lot of goals since R died.  My life has just not been the same and to be really honest, just making it through the days was a really lofty goal.  But now that I feel like I have my feet under me again, I have a big goal to share.  This is funny to me because I don't have many readers to this blog... I haven't shared it with anyone in my family  as of yet because I like the idea of my words just going out into the great void of the Internet and hopefully someone finding them who needs to see it at that certain time.

Here is the goal--- to grow this blog...To up my readership... to write on a regular basis.  A friend who has always encouraged me to write told me about this book Your Life Is A Book: How to craft & publish your memoir .  Reading this book is going to be my jumping off place.  It has writing prompts at the end of each chapter.  I will not bore you with a too long post today by answering the first prompt, but it will be soon.

So there you have it... My first goal in a very long time.  I hope I reach it.

I saw this and thought it was so funny.  I sent it to my mom, sister and M.  The thought of being on a high horse may be part of my next post!!