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Now Choose Life

Choose to Live Your Life in Abundance in the after--- after the spouse dies, after the marriage ends, after the kids leave. Join me on my journey of CHOOSING LIFE in my after. This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live- Deut 30:19

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June 30, 2015

Getting Back To Running

I really haven't run consistently since I had the weird incident with the man following me in his truck at 5am.  I was going to a cycling class at 5am since I didn't have to worry about being out on the street by myself.

Now that I have moved, I am trying to get back into running.  I went to the local YMCA yesterday and got on a treadmill.  My goal is to be able to run 3 miles on the treadmill before I go outside to run.  I lived at almost sea level before.  Now that I have moved I'm at about 7,300 feet with mountains all around!!  I need to let myself acclimate to this new climate.

My problem is that I am not competitive and I have a hard time pushing myself.  But yesterday I went 5K on the treadmill.  I walked a lot of it, but that is OK.  I will go to a weight lifting class this morning and a PiYo class this afternoon- isn't summer wonderful!!!

When I can run a 5K on the treadmill, I am planning on meeting a women's running group here in town who does trail running.  I have liked them on Facebook so I can see what they are doing.  I run so slowly that I just want to make sure I can keep up with them if they let me join in.

I prayed on the treadmill yesterday for God to just place ONE friend in my path!!  ha ha  I would just like to have one friend to meet for a glass of wine, to talk about mascara etc!!!  I know it will all take time.  AND- I know God will honor my prayer!!
June 29, 2015

M X 2

MX2= Married and Moved!!

Well- I'm married and I've moved to a new town.  I have spent quite a bit of time in this new town over the past 2 years, but now that I know I'm here "for reals" it has hit me that EVERYTHING is very different from what I'm used to.

Living in Texas was wonderful, but a new state in a small town with people from all over the world living here has been an experience.  I know that it will all be fine.  Dr. T is wonderful to me.  He knows that this isn't easy on me, but I still need to find my own way.  I can't put a burden on him to feel he is responsible for me and my happiness.

Right now, I'm happy putting things away and making plans for things to do around the house to make it "ours."  He is excited about that too!!

So for now- I have had some of the biggest stress that anyone can have thrown at them... I need to be patient with myself and realize that it all takes time!!
June 14, 2015


I have befriended a rabbi.  He is a Messianic Jew- which means that he believes that Jesus is the messiah and also follows Jewish traditions.  There is much more to it than that, but that is it in a nutshell.  He sent me an email the other day explaining the word "holy."

The Hebrew that is translated "holy" is "kadosh"
And holy does not mean "good"
The meaning of holy is "set apart"
The opposite of holy is not "bad"
The opposite of holy is "common"

I really liked this notion of the opposite of holy being common-  As I told him in my reply-- no one wants to be common in anything that we do.  I certainly don't want to just be common in my faith or in my life.  

That leads to something that over three years out, I've been processing.  I have decided that I will never have another completely happy day.  I don't mean to sound dramatic, but that is just the simple truth of my life.  Without Randy here to share the special day- like a child's wedding etc.  There will not be another completely happy day.  I certainly won't dwell on it, but there will be a void.  Grief Share explains it that joy and sadness can coexist- and that is what happens when happy events occur after a death of someone we love.

As I get closer to my wedding day and the emotions are so raw-  I think I've cried every day for the past 2 weeks.  I was thinking about the happiness thing and thinking to myself-  In a way having the sadness there sets the day apart from others-  it adds a meaning and level to the day that others might not experience...And I've processed it in a way that I'm OK with that.  In fact, I almost welcome it.  That is the price that I pay now for having loved a wonderful man who was a wonderful father and husband.  I will take the sadness because it shows that there was something strong there that is now gone. So this day will be different for me than for others because my life experience is different-  therefore the day is set apart from what others experience

 And it dawns on me--- It sets it apart... it makes it "holy" in a sense.  It is not a common day like others have experienced.  It is a day set apart because on this wonderful day (whatever it is) someone is missing who should be here--- there is a holiness to that in itself.  The day is set apart from any others.  As I get married on Saturday- many other brides will be getting married as well... most much younger than me.  But not many will have the same holiness of the day- as my and Dr. T's day will be "set apart."  There will be 2 others there in memory who should be on this earth, but who are not.  

It will be a holy day!!!

June 13, 2015

I'm getting married!!

Yes- I'm getting married.  Dr. T asked me to marry him over Thanksgiving.  It was something we both knew we needed and wanted!!

In the midst of all the excitement, there is still sadness.  I can't really put in to words what I am feeling.  Is it just another way of saying good-bye to R?  Is it that I am leaving my job and friends to move and leave the support that I have had these past three years?  --- I guess it is all of that.  It is just a weird feeling.

But I am going to move forward and keep going- and yes- I will look back because I want to look back.  I don't want to move forward and never look back... I had a good past.  I know it is hard for some people to see me make this move-- they have been vocal about it.  But there are many who have done nothing but encourage me.  I will forever be grateful for those people.

I will face next Saturday with excitement and happiness- but it will be a strange day.  I know when I get on the other side of it that all will be fine!!

I follow One Fit Widow and her post today was about going with the flow... you can't swim against the flow forever-  that is what I plan to do!