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Now Choose Life

Choose to Live Your Life in Abundance in the after--- after the spouse dies, after the marriage ends, after the kids leave. Join me on my journey of CHOOSING LIFE in my after. This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live- Deut 30:19

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September 10, 2014


I've written a post before about what I was doing on 9-11-2001.  What I know 13 years later is that once you have had one of the worst things that could ever happen to you actually happen to you, you look at life differently.

That is where I am in my life at this point.  I react so differently than I would have before losing R.  I feel like I am much calmer in my approach to life.

So as I face tomorrow know that my daughter now lives in NYC-  I will think of her often tomorrow, but I am not going to worry too much about her-  for I know that like has a way of just happening and I am not going to waste on precious minute worrying about what might or could happen.  I am going to live my life in the moment.  I had a great conversation on the phone with her tonight.

I had the opportunity to visit the 9-11 museum this summer.  I really wish that every American could have the opportunity to visit.  It is an overwhelming experience.  If makes you realize how enormous of the event actually was.

Let's all remember 9-11 and honor the memory of those who died by being kind to others and trying to make a difference in our corner of the world.

What is left of one of the firetrucks.
 Iconic picture with the actual flag encased.  Very moving.

Store display just as it was left after the attacks.  Very eerie.
September 08, 2014

Tuesday Tip

I thought these ideas for using your iphone as a camera were great!! I'm horrible at selfies etc so this was really amazing to me.
September 07, 2014

Just Run With It

I have run at 5am since the spring that R passed away.  After his passing, it was a lifeline for me.  I always told people the exhaustion was my drug of choice in dealing with my grief.  Getting up at precisely 4:36 in the morning to work out didn't leave very much time for sleep.  And, when I slept, I actually slept- no waking up because I was so tired at night.

My running group has changed.  Two of the women that I have run with are now retired and run later in the morning- who could blame them!!!  The other two women that I run with, run much faster than me.  So I find myself out on the dark streets completely by myself-  they are about 1/4 mile ahead of me by the time we finish our 3.5 miles.  It has been a weird feeling to be out there completely alone.

Then last week, I didn't know we weren't going to run one morning... on the way there, I started being followed by a pick up truck.  It followed me all the way to the neighborhood that we run in, and acted really weird shining his lights in my car until he finally left.  It really scared me.

This incident revealed two things to me...
1.  It made me feel even "weirder" about it because after it was all over with and I was pretty shaken up,  it hit me-  I'm all my kids have now!!!  As sad as that is that it is ME- I'm all they've got in the form of a parent.  They have grandparents, aunts and uncles who love them and they depend on.... but as far as who they turn to.... it is just me.  I just feel that even though they are grown, I need to take that seriously and remember that.


2.  My life is really changing.  I don't quite fit here any more.  It is really hard to fit a new life into the same old surroundings.  It is just life and things change, but in a way it is a little sad to me.  But-  I am just going to go on as ME-  I have learned that ultimately, it is just me going through this.  I will need to do my running on my own too.  I am not going to risk being out on the streets by myself.  I am going to run on the treadmill at my gym.  I'll see how I do.

Life changed- I gotta roll with it-  or in this case Run With It!

Handling Life

My life is changing, and I'm okay with that.  I really don't understand the sense of calm that I experience in my life these days.  I guess it really is true that when one of the worst things in your life that can possibly happen to you happens, it changes you.

I'm not afraid of the future.  In fact I'm looking forward to it- no matter what the future brings.  I am starting to see life as more of a journey than a destination.  I am looking forward to see what is around the next corner.  I am learning to live with the void of losing R which I now know I will never get over-  I am learning to live with it.

The latest obstacle is to know how much to share with my late husband's family about my personal life.  In the past, I have warned them of something big that I am doing- especially with Dr. T.  I don't want them to see it on Facebook without first hearing it from me.  But with a  trip with Dr. T coming up, my own family- my mother, sister, and daughter have told me that I shouldn't tell them.  They believe that it is more hurtful for them to hear it from me ahead of time.  This opinion broke my heart.  I have cried and cried thinking that I may have hurt them more in this terrible situation.  I know it is hard on them to see me move forward in this area of my life-  I don't want to ever cause them more pain than I have to.

What do you think?  I would love to know.  Should in laws of a late spouse be "warned" of things in the personal life of the person left behind, or should they just hear about it from others or see it on Facebook?  I'm sure that just as everything with grief- the is as individual as the person going through it.  But, I would love to know others' opinions!!