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Now Choose Life

Choose to Live Your Life in Abundance in the after--- after the spouse dies, after the marriage ends, after the kids leave. Join me on my journey of CHOOSING LIFE in my after. This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live- Deut 30:19

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September 09, 2013

Conviction Not Condemnation

Conviction Not Condemnation

I am reading a book called What Happens When Women Say Yes to God.  I am also part of an online group with some friends from high school, and we have been briefly discussing the book and praying for each other.  Of course I haven't gotten into the study as much as I would have liked to, but it has still been good for me.  I was reading today and came across this line today that really made me think--" There is no condemnation from Jesus, only conviction."   That thought is so freeing- isn't it.  That is the true example of unequivocal unconditional love.  God does not condemn us.  He loves us unconditionally.  He only convicts us of our disobedience.

It made me think of myself as a parent.  I don't think my kids felt convicted and not condemned at times.  I fear that I had an attitude of condemnation with them too often.  And it made me think of their dad.  He was the most loving man.  He truly did love unconditionally.  I am so thankful that I was able to parent with him as long as I did.  I have now tried to find his patience in dealing with our kids.  He truly had great patience.

I still miss him.  I am doing well, but I do feel the void at times much greater than others.  I do have someone in my life that I will go ahead and introduce you to.  Dr. T.  He is a high school friend who I have known for over 30 years.  He was friends with R.  He is patient and kind like R was.  He has helped me so much over the past year.  His wife passed away about 2!/2  years before R.  We started emailing each other after R died.  It then went to infrequent phone calls and then visits.  We are going to see where our relationship goes.  He very graciously welcomes R into our relationship.

I hope to have another man in my life someday who will be a grandparent with me-  I am really looking forward to that.  I want someone to grow old with.  I think I need them to have the attitude of conviction and not condemnation.  I think I have that with Dr. T.  Just like I most assuredly had it with R.

September 04, 2013

I could have written it!

I found a blog that as I read it, I realize her words are my words.  So much of her experience of losing her husband was my experience.  It is a little scary sometimes.  Today as I was reading some of her past posts, I read one from the summer.  I read a comment written to it and realized that it was a comment that I left her---isn't that weird.  I feel such a connection with this woman whom I have never met and probably never will.  If you want to know many of my thoughts the past 17 months go to  http://ourjourneytoanewnormal.blogspot.com/  and read her words- as I said before-- her words are my words, my feelings, my emotions.  She does a much better job of expressing herself than me though!!

Speaking of blogs- I am going to be a guest blogger tomorrow for a group called Hello Grief.  The post won't be live until 9:00 am tomorrow.  I'll post the link tomorrow so you can read it. I did not do a good job.  I thought they just wanted quotes to use in their own blog.  But they ended up using several women's posts for individual blogs.  If I had known I would have written much more and "tried" to do a better job.  It is done anyway so I should just be happy that some of my thoughts are getting out there.  It is a blog on how running helped in my healing.

I am amazed at how many thoughts and emotions run through my mind in any given day.  I am so happy that that feeling of such a heavy heart left me around the end of October of 2012.  There were still days of feeling that horrible heavy heart, but it wasn't' a daily occurrence like it had been.

I'm tired tonight.  I have been getting up very early to run with friends in the morning.  I hope to start recounting memories of R, but also of that first year-  what I remember of it.