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Now Choose Life

Choose to Live Your Life in Abundance in the after--- after the spouse dies, after the marriage ends, after the kids leave. Join me on my journey of CHOOSING LIFE in my after. This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live- Deut 30:19

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August 31, 2013



I bought plants today.  I haven't bought plants since R passed away.  He and I always worked in our yard together.  He always worked in the yard.  It was always beautiful.  It is extremely hard for me to work in the yard now.  Just buying plants today was difficult.  I missed him.  But, I am so happy that it didn't send me into a tailspin today.  I just thought of him a lot while I was picking out what I wanted.  I love coleus.  I think they are beautiful.  It makes me feel like fall is around the corner-- closer than I think.

I know that it is just going to get easier.  I pray that it gets easier.  It has gotten easier.  There have been so many times that I just wanted the pain to go away.  I guess learning to live with the pain and the void should be the goal- not getting rid of it.  I know now that I will never be rid of it.  I feel like I am learning to live with it.  It is my reality-  I have to live with it.

Last year I didn't want fall to arrive.  He passed away in April and I hadn't experienced  change of seasons yet.  I dreaded the first cold day- I mean really dreaded it.  I thought- almost obsessed- about it for weeks.  I am looking forward to fall this year.  It feels so good this evening to know that I planted most of my plants today.

I feel stronger as the weeks go by.  I am a runner- I will talk more about running and healing later.  I ran 10 miles this morning with friends.  It gives me strength too.  I am so happy to be feeling stronger.

I miss him, but I can do this. 

The beginning

Today I finally feel ready to start a blog about my experiences of losing a dearly loved husband and living through it.  It has been 16 months since my husband passed away.  The first year was an excruciating journey.  I have been fearful that the second year will be worse-as that is what I have read in many blogs.  So far I am feeling strong and hope to continue.  It is my hope to reach other widows out there and offer encouragement.  There have been many blogs this past year that have encouraged me.  This blog will be me reflecting on the first year, but also my experience of Choosing Life and moving forward as hard as that is.  So I guess I'll start with the name of the blog.  About 2 months after R passed away, I was reading an email that I received from Grief Share.  The scripture that day was from Deuteronomy 30:19  which says 
"This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live."  This verse spoke to me in a profound way-  It made reaffirmed to me that my children who were 22 and 20 when they lost their dad, would follow my lead as to how we would proceed with life.  I want them to have full happy lives.  I want to have a full and happy life.  This blog will be how I have clumsily managed to work towards choosing life.  Since I have made it out of that horrible first year, I can look back and recall some of the hard times, some of the blessings , and some of the triumphs.  I can also tell about new situations that I am finding myself in as I maneuver through this 2nd year.
Thanks for joining me!