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Treading Water

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Lately I feel like I'm treading water... I'm not going anywhere, but I'm exhausted in the process of trying to figure out what direction my life should take.

I had a talk with my mom the other day and we both said that Fall is a sad time of year.  It is such a juxtaposition for me because, I love fall, but it makes me sad too.  I'm not really sure why it makes me sad, but since R passed away, Fall has been a very hard time of year.  The thoughts of things changing, nights getting cooler, days getting shorter just seem sad to me.

Grief- I thought it came to visit, but the reality is that grief comes to live.  It is a permanent resident in my life and will never leave me.  I'm not sad all the time, but I am sad.  I love Dr T more than I ever thought possible, but the reality of my life is just sad!!!  I'm married to a man who isn't the father of my children.  My kids are grown and the only time that is an issue is when holidays roll around because we all want to be with our families.  Dr. T's family is very welcoming, but they aren't my kids' family.  It is hard enough to get adult children together for the holidays not to mention when a new family is thrown into the mix.

So I sit here today with an unsettled feeling wondering what I should be doing with my life.  At some point I need to make a decision and just go with it:
1.  Do I want to really try to get this little blog into a bigger market?
2.  Do I want to join a church and get really involved in church work again?
3.  Do I want to take advantage of a new volunteer opportunity here in the town where I live?

There are just some days where I miss my old life.  I knew what I was doing there.



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