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Sunday, September 18, 2016



    Today has been one of those days- a really bad day- emotions that I was not expecting swept in and tried to take me under.  I've tried not to think; I've tried to put thoughts out of my mind; I've tried to keep these negative emotions at bay, but I haven't been very successful.  The day has just sucked!
      M has announced after several weeks of prayer and contemplation that she is moving to Chicago.  She is so excited and I am very happy for her.  Everyone  was told last night and then it just started washing over me that life is moving on a breakneck speed and R isn't here for any of it.  The kids are doing well and their lives are full and R isn't here to know that.
     It makes me so sad.  It makes me have that completely empty feeling that I had for months on end.  I keep telling myself that THIS is just part of it.  These emotions and feelings will be with me for the rest of my life.  I guess the good news is that I have allowed myself to just let the feelings come and do what they will instead of trying to run from them.  I'm allowing them to serve their purpose- although I'm not quite sure what purpose they serve.  My hope is that when I get on the other side of this, I'll feel stronger.  That has been how it has been in the past.  I feel better when I get to the other side.  I feel better after the brunt of the pain.
I'm happy for my daughter.  I'm excited for the future to see what great things she accomplishes in Chicago.  I have to believe that God will bless our future even greater than he blessed our past.

I just have to because I have to believe that.
- DESIGNED BY ECLAIR DESIGNS -