Compounded Grief

Monday, June 6, 2016

My father-in-law passed away.  Not my current husband's dad, but my late husband's dad.  So it was a bit complicated to say the least-- getting together with R's family-flying daughter M back to Texas for the service... it was all just a bit complicated.

I know it has been hard on R's family to see me move forward after losing R.  Most has been very supportive, but I know it is hard.  It was hard on me to see  R's work move forward without him so I do understand his family finding it hard to watch me attempt to move forward too.

One thing that happened that caught me a bit off guard was that I was not mentioned as a survivor in the obituary.  It was a bit hurtful.  Not hurtful that they didn't  mention me as a survivor, but hurtful to think that that is how they see me.  I think really it is that they don't know what to think of me any more.  They don't know how to view me in their lives since he is gone.

I had a sweet conversation with my father-in-law about a week before my remarriage last summer.  Just before we hung up, he reminded me that I would always be his daughter in law.  For the past almost year,  I've just felt that I had two fathers-in-law.  Dr. T's family as taken me in as their own.  They have been so sweet.  His dad is always so special and sweet to me.  It was nice to have two in my life.

I will miss my father in law, but rejoice in knowing that he is with R again.

I wonder how others in remarriage situations handle things like this.

The other thing that I realized through all of this is that I can wrap my brain around the fact the for the rest of my life, the good things like weddings, the birth of my grandkids, those kinds of things will be bittersweet because R isn't here to experience it with me.  But what I realized through all of this is that at least in this case, the hurt and grief are compounded by the void left in his absence.  Not having R here to deal with all the things surrounding losing his father was extremely painful for me.  He should have been here to bury his dad.