Mother's Day

Sunday, May 8, 2016

This was the 5th Mother's Day to experience without the father of my children.  It has been strange to have a day that if it were not for him, I wouldn't be able to celebrate-  all those years and all the memories of being served breakfast in bed, handmade Mother's Day gifts made at Sunday School.  All the memories come flooding back...

But that isn't my life any more.  I am remarried to a man who isn't the father of my children, and I'm certainly not his mother so the day really goes unnoticed by Dr T.  He played his usual golf game today.  I hate these days that grief creeps in on out of the blue, and today has been one of those days.

Not terrible, but just a small reminder that what I had is gone.  That life, that family, will never be again.  I could dwell on it and be sad, but that is when grief seems so selfish to me.  Grief is a very selfish emotion (if it it even an emotion).  I have felt a little sorry for myself today.  I'm not with my kids, although I've heard from both of them.  I'm not with my mom, although I did call her.  But I'm by myself today- alone on Mother's Day.  And, I guess really that is OK because it does give me time to pause and reflect on my life and that is always a good thing.

I thought about going to church alone today since Dr. T had an early golf time, but I didn't really want to go and have it all be about Mother's Day so I went for a run instead.  I went  a little over 3 miles and it just felt so good to be out there running-  I'm still not running these hills I'm not used to, but I'm running more and walking less.

I also ended up going to see the movie, Mother's Day-  now that could really make me depressed!!!  What a terrible movie, but what did I expect???  I thought it might be cute, and I guess there were some cute moments, but it was just really a lousy show.

I'm going to quit feeling sorry for myself, and get up and do the next thing... hopefully fill a hummingbird feeder!!