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Holy

Sunday, June 14, 2015

I have befriended a rabbi.  He is a Messianic Jew- which means that he believes that Jesus is the messiah and also follows Jewish traditions.  There is much more to it than that, but that is it in a nutshell.  He sent me an email the other day explaining the word "holy."

The Hebrew that is translated "holy" is "kadosh"
And holy does not mean "good"
The meaning of holy is "set apart"
Therefore,
The opposite of holy is not "bad"
The opposite of holy is "common"

I really liked this notion of the opposite of holy being common-  As I told him in my reply-- no one wants to be common in anything that we do.  I certainly don't want to just be common in my faith or in my life.  

That leads to something that over three years out, I've been processing.  I have decided that I will never have another completely happy day.  I don't mean to sound dramatic, but that is just the simple truth of my life.  Without Randy here to share the special day- like a child's wedding etc.  There will not be another completely happy day.  I certainly won't dwell on it, but there will be a void.  Grief Share explains it that joy and sadness can coexist- and that is what happens when happy events occur after a death of someone we love.

As I get closer to my wedding day and the emotions are so raw-  I think I've cried every day for the past 2 weeks.  I was thinking about the happiness thing and thinking to myself-  In a way having the sadness there sets the day apart from others-  it adds a meaning and level to the day that others might not experience...And I've processed it in a way that I'm OK with that.  In fact, I almost welcome it.  That is the price that I pay now for having loved a wonderful man who was a wonderful father and husband.  I will take the sadness because it shows that there was something strong there that is now gone. So this day will be different for me than for others because my life experience is different-  therefore the day is set apart from what others experience

 And it dawns on me--- It sets it apart... it makes it "holy" in a sense.  It is not a common day like others have experienced.  It is a day set apart because on this wonderful day (whatever it is) someone is missing who should be here--- there is a holiness to that in itself.  The day is set apart from any others.  As I get married on Saturday- many other brides will be getting married as well... most much younger than me.  But not many will have the same holiness of the day- as my and Dr. T's day will be "set apart."  There will be 2 others there in memory who should be on this earth, but who are not.  

It will be a holy day!!!


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