Just Run With It

Sunday, September 7, 2014

I have run at 5am since the spring that R passed away.  After his passing, it was a lifeline for me.  I always told people the exhaustion was my drug of choice in dealing with my grief.  Getting up at precisely 4:36 in the morning to work out didn't leave very much time for sleep.  And, when I slept, I actually slept- no waking up because I was so tired at night.

My running group has changed.  Two of the women that I have run with are now retired and run later in the morning- who could blame them!!!  The other two women that I run with, run much faster than me.  So I find myself out on the dark streets completely by myself-  they are about 1/4 mile ahead of me by the time we finish our 3.5 miles.  It has been a weird feeling to be out there completely alone.

Then last week, I didn't know we weren't going to run one morning... on the way there, I started being followed by a pick up truck.  It followed me all the way to the neighborhood that we run in, and acted really weird shining his lights in my car until he finally left.  It really scared me.

This incident revealed two things to me...
1.  It made me feel even "weirder" about it because after it was all over with and I was pretty shaken up,  it hit me-  I'm all my kids have now!!!  As sad as that is that it is ME- I'm all they've got in the form of a parent.  They have grandparents, aunts and uncles who love them and they depend on.... but as far as who they turn to.... it is just me.  I just feel that even though they are grown, I need to take that seriously and remember that.


2.  My life is really changing.  I don't quite fit here any more.  It is really hard to fit a new life into the same old surroundings.  It is just life and things change, but in a way it is a little sad to me.  But-  I am just going to go on as ME-  I have learned that ultimately, it is just me going through this.  I will need to do my running on my own too.  I am not going to risk being out on the streets by myself.  I am going to run on the treadmill at my gym.  I'll see how I do.

Life changed- I gotta roll with it-  or in this case Run With It!