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Things Will Never Be The Same

Thursday, November 7, 2013

I am at the point in my life where as much as I always try to be in control... there are so many things that I don't have control over.  My children being all grown up is one thing that seems to have happened over night.  Where did  my babies go?  Where did the time go?  How can R not be here to see all of these wonderful things that are happening in their lives.

My daughter, my baby, will graduate from college in December.  She found out last week that she got a job in New York City.  Living in NYC is something that she has always wanted to do.  She and I took several trip to the Big Apple over the years.  We both love it there!!!

But- reality set in last week when she called to tell me that she would be moving there the end of December so that she can be ready to start her new job in January.  This past weekend was just not a good time for me.  I was in a deep funk trying to deal with the flood of emotions- good and bad that came with this news.  The one thing the kept running through my mind was "Things will never be the same."  No- they will never be the same.  We are all moving forward--- so she has to move forward in her life as well.

The worst emotion in all of this was the overwhelming sadness of my heart breaking that R is not here to see her and give her advice.  AND help make decisions with me!!!!!!  Oh I miss the discussions of how to handle things with the kids.

My son shared with me how he deals with all of this--- "Mom, it is just life."  Those words have been spoken to me by him several times over the past 18 months.  That is how he feels too-  it is just life.  But, from my perspective it is "just life" and it sometimes just plain ole sucks!!!!  Sometimes I don't like this life and how things have turned out.

Now, don't get me wrong-  I am blessed beyond measure.  In fact, I have a future blog post I am writing in my mind about all the blessing I have received since R's passing.  But as you- dear reader- know if you are a widow-  there are still times that just plain hurt and are hard to get through.

I am happy to report that I have worked myself out of my funk.  I am looking ahead and am up to my eyeballs in links to Manhattan  apartments that she is sending me.  I am so excited for her.

It is just that in the back of my mind I keep hearing the refrain "things will never be the same." 
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