Pages

Grief and PMS

Friday, November 8, 2013

I am going to touch on a topic that I haven't ever heard any widow write about.  I'm only 18 months into my journey so maybe it has been discussed at some point, but I've never heard anyone broach the subject in any blog I have ever read.

PMS-  It is bad enough when a gal's life is normal- throw grief into the mix and it can be quite volatile. I am about to turn the big 50 so Aunt Flo's visits have gotten worse as I approach menopause.  I use an app on my phone called period tracker because I desperately need to be reminded each month that I am not going crazy-- it is just my period about to start.  Today I filled out my "moods" on the app as I "track" my monthly cycle. It is sad and comical at the same time that I marked today--- angry, anxious, confused, depressed, fatigued, forgetful, frustrated, gloomy, impatient, insecure, irritable, jealous, lethargic, mean, moody, nervous, sad, scared, sensitive, sleepy, spacey, stressed, tired , unbalanced, weepy----  those are all feelings that attacked me on any given day over the past year and a half. Put those together with grief and it is a double whammy.

I always try to remind myself how blessed my life is- because it truly is. Even thought my husband died unexpectedly, I still feel very blessed.  I choose to look for the blessings. During the week leading up to Aunt Flo's visit and especially the few days before- all of my gratitude is thrown out the window.  I don't care about anything except my selfish desires.

I feel sorry for the others in my life.  My son lives with me.  I Do Not discuss this with him, but he has to notice a difference in me.  He told me this afternoon that he knew I was stressed over a few things I had been wanting him to take care of.  He is 24, a college graduate, and lives with me.  We live on several acres of land that has to be taken care of.  I have felt lately like he isn't keeping up with his end of our "roommate" agreement.  But, he did come home from work today and take care of things so I am feeling better.  My daughter called late this afternoon to check on me- she talked to me earlier when I was ready for a break down.  See-  those two blessings are the biggest in my life.  I was able to talk to my mother on the phone tonight.  I could go on the rest of the night telling you all my blessings.  However, I still have this underlying feeling of the blahs!!!!  I am blaming it on PMS and moving on.

So Widows... what about PMS in your life?  How do you handle it?
- DESIGNED BY ECLAIR DESIGNS -